A popular thing to do in this day in age is write your own vows for your wedding day. And we all know at times writers block can get in our way of expressing ourselves. To give you a hand we have these tips provided by The Knot to give you a hand.
Prep Step A: Get clearance
Make sure your
officiant will accept personalized vows. Catholic and Episcopal
congregations, for instance, may require you to recite all or part of
the traditional vows, though in most cases that's left to the
officiant's discretion. Remember: Even the most accommodating officiant
will want to review your words in advance.
Prep Step B: Make a plan
You
need to tackle the logistics to make sure you and your fiance are both
on the same page: Are you each going to write your own, or will you
write them together? Will you show them to each other before the
ceremony?
Knot Note: If you're feeling shy, opt to write your
vows together and even recite the exact same promises. If there's more
you wish to say, privately, say it in the cards you exchange on the day
of your wedding or on your honeymoon.
Prep Step C: Create your outline
An
outline can help to establish a structure that you both stick to. For
example, plan to first talk about how great your fiance is, then about
how great you are as a couple, then about what you're vowing to each
other.
Prep Step D: Find your voice
What overall
tone do you want: Humorous and touching? Poetic and mushy? It's your
call -- the most important thing is that your vows ring true and sound
like they're from your heart.
Prep Step E: Cut it down
Finally,
pick a length and stick to it by keeping the mantra pithy and to the
point in mind -- anything longer than a minute or so, and no matter how
gorgeous your prose, the audience will start to squirm.
Ready to Write!
What
exactly do you say? To help you think of sentiments to include, take
turns answering this list of questions. When you're done, look through
your answers for the phrases that best capture your intended message and
incorporate them into the structure of your vows.
What
did you think when you first saw him/her? Start from the beginning --
you didn't want to go out and now you're grateful your friends dragged
you out? How to use: When we met at __________, I knew __________.
When
did you realize you were in love? The more specific you are able to be,
the more touching the story. Was it when he helped you bring your sick
puppy to the vet? How to use: I knew I was in love when ____________.
Don't underestimate the power of humor. Throw in at least one more
playful sentiment (When she recited Don Mattingly's RBI record...).
What
do you have now that you didn't have before you met? Focus on the heart
and head, not material possessions. Has she taught you to appreciate
beauty differently? Has he helped you learn to savor creating a
home-cooked meal? How to use: Before I met you, I ___________. Now I
___________.
How
has your worldview changed? Life has likely gotten better since the two
of you joined forces, so tell everyone about it. How to use: Because of
you, I see the world __________. Having trouble? Think about the new
things you've tried with your mate -- what have you experienced together
that you never would have on your own?
What
do you miss most when you're apart? This will probably be something
mundane but powerful -- what about his smile first thing in the morning,
or the way she puts out your lucky mug for your morning coffee? How to
use: You are such a part of me that when you're gone, I __________.
Where
do you see yourselves in 10 years? 20 years? 40 years? Go deeper than
Happily married in a big house. What are your long-term hopes, dreams,
and goals? How to use: I look forward to __________, laughing and
__________ as we __________.
Is
there a line from a movie, song, or poem that says it all? It's okay to
borrow, as long as it's not too much of a cliche (we're sorry, but You
complete me is suffering from overuse). Instead modify something
familiar to personalize. How to use: Subtly. I watch you ________, and I
think to myself, what a wonderful world.
Do
parts of the traditional vows resonate with you? Maybe you're not so
sure about the obey part, but can you really go wrong with love,
cherish, and...? How to use: Try I promise to cherish and honor you
____________, but add a time frame and funny reference for levity:
...all the days of my life, especially when curled up on the couch with
takeout.
Can
you think of a funny or touching experience that put your partner in a
new light? The way he played with your little cousin or helped your
grandmother up the stairs showed you that under his macho exterior is a
wittle, bitty bunny wabbit and you love him for it. How to use: When you
____________, I saw you for the _____________ person you are. And that
made me want to ____________.
Is there a harrowing experience that strengthened your bond? This one rides tandem with #9. How to use: See #9.
What
goals and values do you both have? Stating your common bond may just
expose your inner Wordsworth. These ties -- whether your shared faith or
your mutual love of wine -- will also help demonstrate why you're a
perfect pair. How to use: We share ___________, so together we can
___________.
What
about him/her inspires you? What is it about your fiance that you'd
like to improve in yourself? What do you most respect about your
partner? How to use: Your ___________ has shown me how to be___________.
What
promise can you make to codify your devotion? Here's an opportunity to
personalize your vows -- many couples pledge their endless love, but how
many promise to take the dog out in the morning, even in the snow? How
to use: I promise to always ___________.
How
will you change together? You know what your goals are -- think about
the steps the two of you will need to take together to reach them. How
to use: I look forward to ___________ as we __________.
What
metaphor (or simile) would capture your love? Think of something that
describes or defines your love: Is it strong like a castle? Peaceful
like a mountain stream? How to use: Our love is like a ___________
because it ___________.
Why
are you entering the bond of marriage? Think about why marrying your
fiance is so special. You may be surprised how the answer leads you to
the perfect words. How to use: To me, marriage is ___________. With you,
it's ___________.
What
will keep your marriage strong? Find the bedrock of your relationship.
What makes your relationship tick? Is it your resilience? Your shared
sense of humor? How to use: Even when ___________, we will have
___________.
What
are you most looking forward to about married life? The wedding is just
the beginning. How to use: I look forward to ___________ as we embark
on ___________.
What
do you expect out of married life? Defining your expectations will help
you make and keep promises. Think about your dreams, and what you'll
have to vow to do to make them come true. How to use: I know our
marriage will ___________ and I vow to ___________.
What
words do you associate with love? Make a list of romantic terms so you
can avoid overusing love -- too many repetitions dilute its power. How
to use: My devotion/adoration/ passion is ___________.
Special thanks to
The Knot for the information on this blog.
